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~I had no choice but to hear you
I never looked at Xander--like that--before the night we went walking. It was over a month ago now, but I remember every detail. The moon was full (Will took Oz-watch so we could go), and everything looked different. The air seemed lighter, the colors a bit sharper. Xander was so sweet. He told me he loved me, and he told me to really think about what I wanted before I said anything. I have.
~You treat me like I’m a princess
I’m not used to liking that
You ask how my day was.~
One thing missing between Angel and me was normalcy. I mean, a Slayer and a vamp can’t exactly go out to lunch together or take a walk on a sunny beach. Maybe it’s good he left. I know it is. I never really noticed before how Xander watches everything I do. It isn’t a creepy stalker thing, but I can tell he notices. And cares. The other day I was sitting there, trying to do this stupid crossword puzzle in TV Guide (I was WAY bored), and when I looked up, he was watching me. He just smiled and I felt like everything was perfect. Just me, him, and the TV Guide.
~Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You’re so much braver than I gave you credit for
That’s not lip service.~
He killed a bug for me. It was so cute! Me, him, Will and Oz were all outside doing the picnic thing and all of a sudden I hear this loud thud beside me. There’s Xander grinding some poor little spider into the dirt with his shoe. He said it was about to crawl on me. Angel never killed a spider for me.
~You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience.~
And no guy has ever held a door for me before! We went to a late showing of The Phantom Menace (I so loved it), and on the way in AND the way out, Xander held the door. And in the movie, he held my hand. Well, actually, I was the one who grabbed his paw, but . . . he didn’t pull it away or anything. It was a really awesome movie.
~You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met
You’re my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long?~
I wonder why I never noticed before what pretty eyes Xander has. I can look into his eyes and see everything he’s going to say, see everything he feels. And when he said he loved me that night . . . they glowed. I swear, I have never, ever seen anything like it. He can be such a kid sometimes. I like that. I’m a kid too. We’re the same age inside. Serious can be good, but it gets old as an all the time deal. Especially when you’re a Slayer. I need to lighten up sometimes. Xander helps me. More than I ever thought he would . . .
~I’ve never felt this healthy before
I’ve never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now.~
Falling for Xander was never in my top ten of things to do before I die, but . . . I have. The more time we spend together, the more I like him. Love him. We’ve always been buds, but now I see that he’s a guy too. A real live man! Maybe it’s silly. Maybe I could do better. Maybe I only have one soulmate and he’s living off the L.A. populace right now. But I don’t think so. I think me and Xander have a chance. Now all I have to do is tell him.
~You’ve already won me over in spite of me
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault.~